Re-Designing Me

Saturday - February 22, 2003

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my journey. This is where I will be chronicling the ups and downs and in-betweens of my quest to find the thinner & healthier person that has been hiding inside my body for practically my whole life.

(Note: if you arrived here by an outside link, click here)

..::| Re-Designed on Sat 022203 09:44:33 PM by in Intro | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Tuesday - November 7, 2006

warm, warm, go away

allie attacked the monitor when the solitary game cards were falling after a successful win :) but, when she got stopped by the screen and fell back to the floor she strut off with a very indignant look on her face ;->

went to vote today, does that count as exercise? also did 90 secs on the obi :)

re-working my smudge box bead pattern... maybe some day i'll get it done!

Wednesday - November 8, 2006

honest to goodness

i have really been trying to be honest with myself about what and how i'm eating... when my tummy says it's full, i stop, at snack time, i only have the assigned snack... no more munching just cuz "it's still meal/snack time so this bite (or extra piece) won't count"... and ya know what, it's been working :) now if only i can stay strong and keep this up... plateaus aren't broke in one day, or week... seems these after "wls honeymoon" plateaus are harder to get past, but i'm-a-gonna do it!

i've noticed that i've been drinking more since it got colder... mostly i think it's because i have no where to go and am spending more time paying attention to the things i'm supposed to be doing...

Thursday - November 9, 2006

one day or another

9:18 AM Personal
• The snow warning was canceled last night and we woke to a slight dusting on the trees, then that seemed to melt as the sun rose over an overcast sky... after a while it started snowing like gang-busters! Wonder how long this will last...

• Biff hasn't come out of the bedroom yet this morning and that is very rare for him... he's usually the first one out here demanding food.... as far as I know, he hasn't eaten since last night.. I found him under my side of the bed behind the comforters and he looked alert, so I am left to wonder... will he come out later when he feels like it, will he stay in the bedroom hiding, will he eat today.... hhmmmm

9:36 AM Personal
• I would go get him so I could spend a little time with him and give him lots of love and attention, but right now I think he prefers to stay under the bed... if I don't see him out here by lunch time, I will go get him... he's so freakin' skinny! I know if we had "Animal Cops" here they would have investigated by now to find out if we were starving him....

• it's snowing bunches right now... we have about an inch so far!

9:55 AM Personal
• mentally I am as prepared for Biff's end as one can get, emotionally is another issue.... he came out a bit ago, went potty and now he's heaving.... nothing came up, this time.... that is part of his disease and will become more frequent as he gets worse.... how it can get more frequent than it is now would be a surprise to me! Casey is trying to get Biff to eat... Allie won't stay out of the way and 'zilla is out on the stairs... he got frustrated cuz Allie wouldn't let him play with "her" ball and since Casey closed off all the loose areas where he used to be able to get behind all the puter stuff, 'zilla was having fits so Casey let him out for a bit ;-> 'zilla has a very low frustration point and likes to hide and pout...

10:25 AM Personal
• Biff didn't eat anything and went right back to the bedroom... I'm still gonna go get him after lunch *sigh*

• it's stopped snowing, for now, and it looks like winter out there :)

1:25 PM Personal
• Biff came out as we were having lunch to go potty again.... he acted like he wanted something to eat so Casey tried fresh cat food, Biff wouldn't even look at it, then Casey tried pureed livers (made fresh last night), Biff wouldn't look at it... then Casey went to the fridge with Biff still looking interested and wanting food so Casey got him a hot dog (one of Biff's favorites, and Biff wouldn't look at it... so I got out the baby food, Turkey with gravy, I bought for Biff and he at least sniffed it, but ... wouldn't eat... he went back to the bedroom where I guess he feels more comfortable... I will go in after a while and sit by him and just talk to him.... don't think he wants to be held right now... we're gonna wait and see how Biff is doing tomorrow morning and then make a decision about calling Dr. Mike, or if today was just an off day for Biff...

• after she got up from her nap, Baby Allie ate the baby food :)

2:40 PM Personal
• Biff came out again and I put more baby food in the bowl... he licked at it a bit and then went to his place in front of the heater then right back to the bedroom *sigh* I think Allie and 'zilla know something is up with Biff cuz they keep going to the bedroom to check on him too...

Friday - November 10, 2006

long days short daylight

biff finally came out last night right before our bedtime and decided to eat... we have d'c'ed the supplement he was taking cuz casey thinks it was upsetting biff's tummy... biff was he usual self today... seems a bit slower and takes more deliberate steps, but i think he's ok...

called erica today, she had a lot to do but promised to bring us some dry catfood and meet our new allie and say hi to 'zilla and biff... it's a quarter to six now and we still haven't seen her

still feeling blah... wish i could pin-point it, like... is it depression... is it grief... is it the lack of sunshine and being outside (aka cabin fever)... i just don't know... maybe this seminar we're going to on sunday and the hospital will help me understand my mood a little better...

Post a comment to 'long days short daylight'

..::| Re-Designed on Fri 111006 05:49:58 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Saturday - November 11, 2006

imaginative vegging

it was snowing when i got up this morning and continued to snow all day... we have about a 3" accumulation and it's about the time of year that what does come down begins to stay for a while... hope this is the case with this storm... i think i'm past the "i don't want it to snow yet" phase and getting into the "it might as well snow if it's gonna be this ugly outside" phase... since i can't drive into the park and be able to access my favorite hiking places it might as well snow enough for me to ski in ;-> i'm not in shape by any means, but the best way to get there, is to go skiing a little every day :) and i think i'm ready for that!

spent the day getting some puting stuff done and, oh my, i can't wait for dsl to rear it's ugly little head around here... come on qwest! everything takes so long to get any thing accomplished when you have to wait for a dial-up connection to show any changes... oh well, some day my dsl will come...

created the "remember" avatar i've been wanting to get done and now just have to make a larger version so i can add the design to the memory book i have in the planning stages... worked on changing the description of my journey journal to encompass the additional aspects of "re-designing me" ... re-worked the color scheme on the embellishments for my smudge box beading and will be designing more patterns shortly... want to make a belt bag/wallet with a bead design on the front, but that's gonna have to wait...

tomorrow will be the presentation for those grieving a loved one during the holidays with ways to cope at the deaconess... hope they will offer something that will help my mood...

Sunday - November 12, 2006

hey, 'they' say i'm normal

10:03 AM Road Trip
• beautiful morning!
• woke to 8-12" of new fresh snow
• blue skies are a sharp contrast to the bright white that blankets the entire area
• i'm glad that we have o go to the zone today, even if it is on snow packed roads
• everything is just gorgeous and bright...
• ...where are my sunglasses :)

8:32 PM Road Trip
• lots of other ppl showed up at the presentation
• found out my physical, and emotional, symptoms are normal for grieving ppl...
1. tired
2. can't concentrate
3. ....
4. ....
• had the meeting person add me/us to her list for one of their future groups
• lici called after we got home
• she got enuf money for her birthday to afford a nds lite
• the store didn't have animal crossing so she got brain academy but the game wouldn't show up when she turned it on
• msg about no game blah blah blah
• told her i'd keep my eye out for acww ;->

Post a comment to 'hey, 'they' say i'm normal'

..::| Re-Designed on Sun 111206 12:52:58 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Friday - November 17, 2006

hate the way i feel

spent the day only doing what i wanted when i wanted... took a late shower, got stuff at the market for dinner, made dinner, got stuff ready for tomorrow and wrapped my friend's wedding gift.... i also got a list together of stuff i still need for the holiday treats i have in mind and gathered my recipes etc... i'm trying to get organized...

Monday - November 20, 2006

not much

allie gave me love nibbles this morning :) it seems that the cats take turns waking me up in the morning, it's good to have so many furry alarm clocks... beaded most of the afternoon and didn't do much else... been feeling tight around my waist last few nights but tonight it seems to be worse...

Tuesday - November 21, 2006

tired of being tired

biff woke me this morning by sitting on my back and allie and 'zilla were jumping on and off the bed playing with each other... there IS no snooze alarm on a cat that wants breakfast!

been super tired... had my usual morning headache (monster and tylenol took care of that) but could hardly keep my eyes open all day

worked on getting organized for turkey day and wls group xmas party... recipes are evading me... had to search for alternatives, but i think i've found them :)

Post a comment to 'tired of being tired'

..::| Re-Designed on Tue 112106 08:41:21 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Wednesday - November 22, 2006

tomorrow is turkey day

spent the day waiting for my isp to get it's schuff together... something about setting the system to monitor itself 24/7 so the human element doesn't have to be there at all times to make sure everything is working.... seems that all is fine, with the exception of the ppl with dial-up accounts... guess who that is... me!

made my razzelberry pie for tomorrow, made coffee pods for the next 18 days and got my holiday fare cookbook ready for group on the 9th... had a headache off and on all day, so what else is new....

Post a comment to 'tomorrow is turkey day'

..::| Re-Designed on Wed 112206 09:51:09 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Thursday - November 23, 2006

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

7:27 AM Holiday

• whoopie, seems ycsi fixed the dial-up email problem :)
• this year was quite different than last.... last year we spent the day before at edgewood, celebrating thanksgiving with mom and on turkey day we were traveling to utah with angie for thanksgiving dinner.... *sigh*

10:41AM Holiday
• the wind is a'blowin and it's a'snowin!
• my new ds lite decided to bite the dust today... good thing i took advantage of their "no questions asked" warranty...

3:00PM Holiday
• looming, but since i'm such a prefectionist and insist on undoing problem rows to repeat them correctly, i didn't get very far
• stopped snowing a bit ago, got about 4"
• weather watcher issued a sever winter weather warning... we'll see...

9.00PM Holiday
• had turkey dinner, was great and we didn't over prepare this year, but
• still, neither of us could eat very much
• allie now likes to play catch as well as fetch....
• sometimes she even plays volleyball with casey :)

Friday - November 24, 2006

no snow today

spent the day watching a 'without a trace' marathon and making a cat bed... yup, i finally did something and it turned out pretty well, in my not so humble opinion :)

Saturday - November 25, 2006

dew point & scattered showers

went to bed an hour earlier last night, slept all night (with the exception of time spent snogging with Allie) and still woke up feeling like i needed a nap...

'zilla has taken on the responsibility upon himself of grooming Allie, whether she likes it or not ;->

Post a comment to 'dew point & scattered showers'

..::| Re-Designed on Sat 112506 07:44:09 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Sunday - November 26, 2006

zap cat

didn't do much today... a little looming and working on the holiday recipe book

Monday - November 27, 2006

fumes

made bourbon balls today and worked on finishing up my latest looming project...

Tuesday - November 28, 2006

when does it get better

was busy this morning taking care of things that i have let slide and doing the bookkeeping.... now i know why i started letting things go, i get confused and frustrated about what i was / am doing and start walking in circles going up the wall, so i started not doing anything and stuff started piling up and driving me nuts... so today i vowed to get something done... stuff got done, but now i'm climbing the walls... time to relax and do some beading :)

finished my latest loom project but need to make a few strips to go with it... might take me a bit longer to finish this whole project than i first anticipated... did 2.5 minutes on the obi today... gotta get in some semblance of shape, will be enough snow to go skiing soon... well, it's tired and i'm late.... think i'll go to bed...

Post a comment to 'when does it get better'

..::| Re-Designed on Tue 112806 09:23:15 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Wednesday - November 29, 2006

where does the time go

internet has been less than cooperative today... first thing this morning there was too much net congestion and i couldn't go anywhere or get my email... now, i got dissed and can't seem to get logged back on.... guess i'll be doing other things this evening....

Post a comment to 'where does the time go'

..::| Re-Designed on Wed 112906 09:20:05 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Thursday - November 30, 2006

end of the second to the last month of the year

a 5# cat jumping off my over-full bladder woke me up around 8am this morning... not sure why i slept in, but feeling like a zombie all day makes me so not want that to happen again... the day has seemed to float by without me... one minute i think about doing something and half hour later it still hasn't been done and i can't remember what it was in the first place... got the grocery list done (hope i didn't forget anything) and worked on my looming a bit, other than that, the day is a blur... and in addition i've been having monthly cycle symptoms... soreness and cramps... i have my theory as to why, lack of vitamin e, so i started taking the gelcaps again and hope that next month this won't happen... if it does happen again next month, i will have to save some $$$ for some dry e and try again for another month....

Post a comment to 'end of the second to the last month of the year'

..::| Re-Designed on Thu 113006 09:18:57 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Sunday - December 3, 2006

need to ketchup

had upset tummy most of the morning so i didn't do too much, vegged around as usual... got some bills taken care of and finished the edge beading for my smudge box... only have the top edge beading to do then i can put the whole thing together... noticed a rash on my chest and belly when i went in for my shower this morning, it doesn't hurt or itch but it's bumpy like welts... put some of my steroid cream on this morning and benedryl lotion this evening... casey thinks, and so do i, that it was caused by the new body spray i got when we went shopping on friday... will stop using it tomorrow and see how the rash does....

Monday - December 4, 2006

still need to ketchup

got some odds and ends done today and started working on the new looming pattern for the rest of my project... thought i'd be done with it by now, but i guess all things don't work like we imagine... the rash is a bit worse today, but i refrained from using any body spray...

Post a comment to 'still need to ketchup'

..::| Re-Designed on Mon 120406 09:21:16 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Tuesday - December 5, 2006

clever but interesting title goes here

i wonder if anyone is actually following along anymore... i know that no one has been since saturday since the hosting service i use has been down... what a time for the 'hostest' to move and be without internet.... no way can she know that all her 'hostees' are sitting out here in cyber space in the dark... oh well, this too shall pass

took erica the second loaf of whole wheat sunflower bread... hope she likes it )

tomorrow i start making the goodies for group on saturday... i think i shall be a bit busy for the next three days!

Post a comment to 'clever but interesting title goes here'

..::| Re-Designed on Tue 120506 08:15:29 PM byin omnium-gatherum | .oOo. | 0 Comments |::..

Wednesday - December 6, 2006

but did i say...

busy busy busy... btw, did i say i was busy today ;-> made 3 different kinds of sugar-free goodies... the tea boxes i ordered for bead organization arrived today, wow, color me impressed, they weren't due until next tuesday! schtuff is starting to come together, just wish there wasn't so many things on my 'must do' list so i could find a little time to play!!!

Thursday - December 7, 2006

jumping kitties

spent the day creating sugar free goodies and transfering seed beads to their new home :) one more day of cooking and creating and i'll be done! after wls group is over, we'll go grab the things we didn't have time for when we went shopping last week... made an order to petsmart online today, with free shipping and 10% off for paying via paypal... can't wait to get the goodies i ordered for my furbabies, they'll love everything!

chronicling the ups, downs & in-betweens of my quest to findthe thinner & healthier person that is hiding inside my mind& body while mourning & grieving the loss of my mother.